Sam さんのプロフィールSam's spaceフォトブログリストその他  |  ツール ヘルプ |
|
11月20日 You may be a moron if...If you were born into a Jewish family, and you go to Temple regularly, and you pray to the Jewish God, you may be a moron. You may be a moron because God hates your guts. He allowed the writers of the New Testament to blame the Jews for the death of Christ. He even had those stupid thoughtless Jews say, "May the sin be on our heads and the heads of our children and our grandchildren." Hooraay for God! Over the next 2,000 years, every anti-Semite all over the world could look back to the Gospel of John and justify any nasty vicious attack on the Jews for being a stiff-necked, stubborn, blind, demonic people who denied the Christ and then killed him. If you know for a fact that the Nazis (who didn't invent persecution, who merely perfected it, made it almost elegant in its evil) gassed and burned six million Jews while much of the world looked on with glee and indifference, and God positively smiled while his Lutheran Nazi children destroyed those evil evil Jews--if you know all this, and you still pray to God for forgiveness on Yom Kippur, you may be a moron. We all know from reading the Bible that the Old Testament God just loves the smell of roasting flesh, so the smoke pouring out of the chimneys of Auschwitz 24 hours a day must have been one heck of a sweet savor to the Lord. And for all you Jews who have so graciously decided to "forgive but never forget," the Nazis never apologized, and neither did God.
If you live in Alabama, and you heard on television that God was sending Hurricane Katrina in your direction, and you prayed to God in church to send Katrina in a different direction, and God sent Katrina toward New Orleans instead, and if you thanked God for sparing you the ravages of the hurricane, you may be a moron.
Let's face it: if you live in Alabama, you are a moron. To be perfectly fair, if you live anywhere in America, there is an 85% chance that you are a complete idiot.
When people ask you if you are religious, and you say that you don't believe in organized religion, but you are very spiritual, you may be a moron. Don't worry if you are going to heaven or hell, because you are already in hell, the hell of your own shallow stupidity. The word spiritual has absolutely no meaning whatsoever. That is what morons say to seem superior to those who have wisely forsaken spirituality for something called reason, intelligence, and sanity. Don't give up the ship, dimwit. All hope is not in fact lost. Abandoning organized religion is the first step. Now all you have to do is stop spouting meaningless phrases like "I am very spiritual," and you will be well on your way to recovery. Rich people don't have to brag about their money; all they have to do is spend it. Smart people don't have to brag about their intelligence; they only have to use it. If there was such a thing as spirituality, and you had it, you wouldn't have to tell people; they would know it by your actions. Gandhi didn't run around India telling everyone about his decency; every word out of his mouth, and his every gesture, proved beyond any reasonable doubt how decent he was.
If you ask people if they believe in evolution, you are a moron for sure. Your absolute stupidity is revealed in the way you phrase the question. You think evolution is a belief system, or an article of faith, or some kind of new-fangled anti-religion. You equate evolution with ESP or alien abduction. Let me explain the situation in words even you can understand, nitwit. Evolution is not a Satanic plot, and it is not something you can chose to believe in if it sits nicely with your spiritual worldview. Evolution is scientific fact. The fossil records prove it. DNA proves it. Biology and geology prove it. You can add God to the equation if you like. You can say that God planned evolution from the start. You can also add tuna fish to a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but the tuna won't improve your meal.
If you believe that there may be other civilizations living in galaxies hundreds or thousands of light years away from us, you are definitely not a moron. You are a realist, and a visionary. You have acknowledged the mind-boggling hugeness of our Universe, and you have accepted the unimaginable stretches of time since the Big Bang, and you have humbly admitted that our tiny planet is not in fact anywhere near to being the center of the non-existent God's creation, so you realize we may not be alone. And if you understand that the alien vistitation, when and if it comes some time in the far future, will be nothing short of spectacular, either spectacularly nasty, or spectacularly wonderful, then you do in fact have a brain. But if you think that space aliens have already succeeded in traveling through the space time continuum in order to flash a few lights and stick their probes into the ani of lonely pathetic liars, then you are a thoroughly brainless, and you deserve to be abducted and probed repeatedly by vicious alien rapists when they do come to call.
If you believe that psychics are honest and sincere, and you don't wonder why no psychic has ever won 236 million dollars in the lottery and kept half and given the rest to cancer research, and you don't worry about the fact that not one of the 5,000 psychics on the planet predicted 9/11 or the Holocaust or Katrina or the tsunami, if you believe that psychics can feel vibrations and hear voices and communicate with the dead but in spite of these "gifts" have never done anything to help anybody ever except give them false hope and steal their cash, then you may be a moron. And when I say you may be, I mean you are. By the way, if any of you psychics out there are actually the real deal, and you did know about 9/11 beforehand, and you did nothing to stop it, then you are as guilty as God and His devout hijackers.
If you belong to a Christian heavy metal band, you are a moron.
If you listen to Christian heavy metal, you are a moron.
If you have ever been in a mosh pit, you are a moron.
If you speak in tongues, you are a moron.
If you handle snakes, you are a moron.
If you verbally attack someone, and they defend themselves, and you tell them not to get so defensive, you are a moron. You are also an asshole.
If you think you are better than someone who flips burgers at Mickey D's, just remember, the same worms that devour his corpse will be feasting on yours someday, too.
If you are a 15 year old girl, and your boyfriend tells you that he loves you, and you ask him if he is just saying that to get into your pants, and he says that he really cares about you, and you believe him, you are a moron.
If you are a 34 year old woman, and you ask your husband if this bikini makes you look fat, when you know very well it is your fat that makes you look fat, and he says that you are as beautiful as the day he met you, and you believe him, you are a moron.
If you are a 27 year old man, and the woman you just met asks you what you do for a living, and you believe that she is just making conversation, you are a moron.
If you are a redneck, you may be a moron.
If you are a Mormon, you may be a moron.
If you believe in everlasting love, you may be a moron.
If you believe that you can avoid dying alone if you get married, you may be a moron.
When you tie the knot, you can hope that your wife is slightly less of a yunt than all of the other women you've managed to con into your bed, and you can hope that your husband is slightly less of a schmoe than all the other men you slept with while drunk, but prepare yourself for a grave disappointment.
If you believe that your religion is the one true religion, you are a moron. Do you know how many people have lived and died on this planet in the last 50,000 years, and how many of them believed theirs was the one true religion? Do you know how many of those religions have disappeared into the abyss of history? Don't you understand that you were born by chance, into a certain culture by chance, into a certain religion by chance? One billion Catholics pretend to ingest the actual body and blood of Christ every Sunday. That number doesn't impress me; it appalls me. There have been one million UFO sightings since 1947. Not one of those sightings has resulted in the gathering of one single piece of material evidence. Every day, somewhere in the world, some loser sees the image of Jesus in a fig leaf and some other loser sees a statue of the Virgin Mary weeping. With all of the real suffering in the world, and all of the real work that could be done to alleviate that suffering, please explain to me why Jesus and Mary don't have better things to do with their time.
If you are a racist, you are a moron. Everyone on this planet, everyone who has ever lived on this planet, all of us are connected. We are all related by genetics, by DNA. We are all brothers, sisters, and distant cousins. Our brave ancestors were short hairy black East Africans. Even if you are the palest blondest Swede or the yellowest most inscutable Asian, we are all niggas, too. 3.5 billion years ago we were bacteria, and now here we are, blogging about our roots and our heritage and reveling in our many stupidities, 3.5 billion years later. Isn't that miracle enough?
Samuel Beckett said, "Birth was the death of him."
Jean-Paul Sartre said, "Hell is other people."
Albert Camus said, "Man dies, and he is unhappy."
William Shakespeare said, "Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
Carl Sagan said, "We are all star stuff."
We can learn a lot from these guys. They were the very opposite of moronic.
|
|
|
